Polish Your Writing
In writing, final edits are like polishing silverware. We all know there’s silver beneath that tarnish, but we want to see it. Attention to detail is what turns our writing from good to great. Although a reader may not consciously notice the difference, polished writing flows effortlessly. The better the writing, the more the reader forgets he’s reading at all and becomes immersed in the story.
Following are a few examples of how I edit my own work.
Polish Your Writing
#2 – October 1-2018
First DRAFT of selection from Fifth Dragon, Book 4
(Note: Gladys is Raven’s broom and her transportation. Scarlet is a 10-inch pixie with a crush on Prince Dorian and jealous of Raven.
At first, I was anxious that Gladys would falter, but she held steady, and I got more optimistic. The sounds of the occasional rock falling in the distance and the continuous trickling of water would’ve been soothing if not for the constant irritation of Scarlet’s squeaky voice. Since she was on Dorian’s shoulder, at least she wasn’t nattering at me, so I tried to tune her out.
Dorian turned to look at me. “Why are you so far behind? Don’t you want to see where we’re going?”
I narrowed my eyes at Scarlet as she sent me a smug look. I don’t know what it is with her. She seems to think she’s in some kind of competition with me for Dorian’s affections, but I don’t feel compelled to explain the biological limitations.
I signaled Gladys and we moved up beside Dorian. “How long is this tunnel?”
Dorian pulled an object from his pocket. It had a dull bronze gleam and resembled an oversized and complicated compass. “Another hour should put us in the underground valley.”
“Does this supposed valley have lights?”
“Morgan said most living things in the valley are luminous, so we should be able to see.”
“Does the Sound Monster live there?”
“I’d say there’s a good chance. Morgan didn’t have much info on it, and what she had came from ancient texts.”
“Maybe the Sound Monster will be considerate enough to glow in the dark so we can see it before it kills us,” I said with a trace of sarcasm.
Dorian gave me a wide grin. “Don’t be so grumpy, Raven. You’re just as curious about the Sound Monster as I am.”
True. I was. But I wasn’t going to admit it. “Maybe it’s so big it can’t get out the tunnel we came down. It sounded like it was the size of a mountain.”
“There’s a mystery about the monster. You could call it the solving of a puzzle. If anyone figured it out, the Monster would be friendly.”
I rolled my eyes at him. “You realize your only human companion still has trouble with basic magic spells? What makes you think I’d be of any help in figuring out a mystery that’s remained a mystery for centuries?”
FINAL DRAFT
I was anxious that Gladys might falter, but she held steady as the crash of rocks tumbling from cliffs echoed throughout the caverns. The gentle splash of trickling water would’ve been soothing if not for the constant irritation of Scarlet’s squeaky voice. Since she was on Dorian’s shoulder and not nattering at me, I tuned her out and put some distance between us.
Dorian looked back. “Why are you lagging? Don’t you want to see our destination?”
I narrowed my eyes at Scarlet’s smug look. I don’t know what it is with her. She seems to think I’m competition for Dorian’s affections, and I don’t feel compelled to explain the biological limitations.
I caught up to Dorian. “How long is this tunnel?”
Dorian searched in his cloak of many pockets and finally extracted an object. It gave off a dull bronze gleam and resembled an overcomplicated compass. He frowned at the display until I got a wee bit impatient. I was about to roll my eyes when he said, “Another hour should put us in the underground valley.”
I squashed my impatience and said, “Is this valley going to have lights?”
“Morgan said there was no central source, but most living things in the valley are luminous, so we should be able to see.”
“Does the Sound Monster live there?”
“Most likely. Morgan didn’t have much info on it, and what she had came from ancient texts.”
“Maybe the Sound Monster will be considerate enough to glow in the dark,” I growled, “so we can watch it kill us.”
Dorian gave me a wide grin. “Don’t be so grumpy, Raven. You’re just as curious about the Sound Monster as I am.”
True. But I wasn’t going to admit it. “It sounds like it can create earthquakes by clearing its throat,” I said. “Are you sure you don’t want to re-think this, Dorian?”
“Old legends say there’s a riddle about the Sound Monster, and if we can figure it out, the monster will be friendly.”
“If not?”
Dorian shrugged.
“Right,” I said. “This is where I remind you of all the people who have vanished in their quests to befriend this Sound Monster. You realize your sole human companion still has trouble with basic magic spells? What makes you think I’d be of any help in figuring out a mystery which has eluded far more skilled mages for centuries?”
PARAGRAPH COMPARISONS
DRAFT 1:
At first, I was anxious that Gladys would falter, but she held steady, and I got more optimistic. The sounds of the occasional rock falling in the distance and the continuous trickling of water would’ve been soothing if not for the constant irritation of Scarlet’s squeaky voice. Since she was on Dorian’s shoulder, at least she wasn’t nattering at me, so I tried to tune her out.
DRAFT 2:
I was anxious that Gladys might falter, but she held steady as the crash of rocks tumbling from cliffs echoed throughout the caverns. The gentle splash of trickling water would’ve been soothing if not for the constant irritation of Scarlet’s squeaky voice. Since she was on Dorian’s shoulder and not nattering at me, I tuned her out and put some distance between us.
Notes on paragraph: The phrase, “at first” doesn’t add anything to the sentence, so I deleted it. I decided the contrast between the sounds of rocks falling and the gentle splash of trickling water should be in separate sentences. I rephrased the last sentence to make it flow more smoothly.
****************************************************************************
DRAFT 1:
Dorian turned to look at me. “Why are you so far behind? Don’t you want to see where we’re going?”
I narrowed my eyes at Scarlet as she sent me a smug look. I don’t know what it is with her. She seems to think she’s in some kind of competition with me for Dorian’s affections, but I don’t feel compelled to explain the biological limitations.
DRAFT 2:
Dorian looked back. “Why are you lagging? Don’t you want to see our destination?”
I narrowed my eyes at Scarlet’s smug look. I don’t know what it is with her. She seems to think I’m competition for Dorian’s affections, and I don’t feel compelled to explain the biological limitations.
Notes: “Lagging” is simpler than “so far behind”. “Our destination” is simpler than “where we are going”. Condensing the last sentence tightens it up without changing the meaning.
****************************************************************************
DRAFT 1:
I signaled Gladys and we moved up beside Dorian. “How long is this tunnel?”
Dorian pulled an object from his pocket. It had a dull bronze gleam and resembled an oversized and complicated compass. “Another hour should put us in the underground valley.”
“Does this supposed valley have lights?”
“Morgan said most living things in the valley are luminous, so we should be able to see.”
“Does the Sound Monster live there?”
“I’d say there’s a good chance. Morgan didn’t have much info on it, and what she had came from ancient texts.”
DRAFT 2:
I caught up to Dorian. “How long is this tunnel?”
Dorian searched in his cloak of many pockets and extracted an object. It gave off a dull bronze gleam and resembled an overcomplicated compass. He frowned at the display until I got a wee bit impatient. I was about to roll my eyes when he said, “Another hour should put us in the underground valley.”
I squashed my impatience and said, “Is this valley going to have lights?”
“Morgan said there was no central source, but most living things in the valley are luminous, so we should be able to see.”
“Does the Sound Monster live there?”
“Most likely. Morgan didn’t have much info on it, and what she had came from ancient texts.”
Notes: “I signaled Gladys” doesn’t add to anything, so I deleted it. The following section was a bit stark, so I added more detail.
****************************************************************************
DRAFT 1:
“Maybe the Sound Monster will be considerate enough to glow in the dark so we can see it before it kills us,” I said with a trace of sarcasm.
Dorian gave me a wide grin. “Don’t be so grumpy, Raven. You’re just as curious about the Sound Monster as I am.”
True. I was. But I wasn’t going to admit it. “Maybe it’s so big it can’t get out the tunnel we came down. It sounded like it was the size of a mountain.”
“There’s a mystery about the monster. You could call it the solving of a puzzle. If anyone figured it out, the Monster would be friendly.”
DRAFT 2:
“Maybe the Sound Monster will be considerate enough to glow in the dark,” I growled, “so we can watch it kill us.”
Dorian gave me a wide grin. “Don’t be so grumpy, Raven. You’re just as curious about the Sound Monster as I am.”
True. But I wasn’t going to admit it. “It sounds like it can create earthquakes by clearing its throat,” I said. “Are you sure you don’t want to re-think this, Dorian?”
“Old legends say there’s a riddle about the Sound Monster, and if we can figure it out, the monster will be friendly.”
Notes: I rewrote the first sentence to indicate sarcasm rather than say it. The third paragraph has a redundancy. “True” and “I was” mean the same thing, so I deleted “I was”. The description of the creature’s size is more interesting in the second draft. The final paragraph is tighter.
*****************************************************************************
DRAFT 1:
I rolled my eyes at him. “You realize your only human companion still has trouble with basic magic spells? What makes you think I’d be of any help in figuring out a mystery that’s remained a mystery for centuries?”
DRAFT 2:
“If not?”
Dorian shrugged.
“Right,” I said. “This is where I remind you of all the people who have vanished in their quests to befriend this Sound Monster. You realize your sole human companion still has trouble with basic magic spells? What makes you think I’d be of any help in figuring out a mystery that’s eluded far more skilled mages for centuries?”
Notes: I added implied communication and detail to this section to fill it out.
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All of us edit to our own tastes, but I hope this peek into my own work is useful for other writers out there. Our work improves every time we sit down to write, so enjoy the process, and keep writing!
Deborah Kane